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 Haiku Contest # 215 - Anchorman
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MguyX 
"X marks the spot"

United States

Posted - 31/07/2010 :  07:01:39  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Ron Burgundy: Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love!
Ron Burgundy: Did I say that loud?
Brian Fantana: Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.


Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy (2004)



Abbreviated rules ....

The first line of a haiku poem has five syllables.
The second line has seven syllables.
The third, and final, line has five syllables.

The Movie Haiku Contest (MHC) is open to every member of the FWFR site. That means "you." Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom.

To enter, create a Haiku for the current movie, post into the current thread.

Haikus may be risque, but most of us are acutely aware of the risks involved with unprotected verse. There's no vaccine for it, and it cannot be cured. Play safe, and no one gets hurt. "I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation." Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy.

Only one entry per person. Joe Blevins, a man of infinite jest; I knew him well. You try and put up two entries AND JOE BLEVINS WILL RIP YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF! I'm serious, so be careful. You may, however, edit your existing entry until 9pm Thursday FWFR time. Maybe the next week we'll get it back to Wednesday, the way it was before some screwed up the schedule.


Voting.

If you have entered the MHC, then you have to vote. It's your birthright; it's your obligation.
If you enter but do not vote, ...
If you enter but do not vote, ...
If you enter but do not vote, ...
If you enter but do not vote, ... I can't even say what will happen to you; it's that bad. Then we'll take away 3 points on top of that, as an example to others.

You do not have to enter an MHC to vote. Vote away. It'll be just like a lurker vote!

For each round, you get to vote for your three favourite haikus. The voting is as follows:

3 pts fwfr a
2 pts fwfr b
1 pt fwfr c
--------------------------------

You may vote only once.
You may not vote for yourself.

You vote by sending me your votes in a PM (Private Message) HERE, to Me.

When the voting deadline ends (9pm Thursday 05AUG FWFR time -- extended this week because I was unforgivably late in posting the film last week), YOU may be a winner.

Veronica Corningstone: Take me to Pleasure Town.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, we're going there.

Edited by - MguyX on 31/07/2010 07:20:00

clay 
"Viewer discretion is revised."

Phoenix, AZ, USA

Posted - 31/07/2010 :  07:45:59  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Baxter got booted
off a bridge by a biker
who'd been burritoed.
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MguyX 
"X marks the spot"

United States

Posted - 31/07/2010 :  07:51:46  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
(^^Brilliant.^^)


A scotch loving man,
Burgundy intoxicates
A whale's vagina.

Edited by - MguyX on 31/07/2010 07:55:19
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BaftaBaby 
"Always entranced by cinema."

Posted - 31/07/2010 :  08:35:55  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Weather guy's a Brick,
But Corningstone hits Ron hard.
He's a fine old whine.

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Sludge 
"Charlie Don't Serf!"

United States

Posted - 03/08/2010 :  00:29:08  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Even a giant
mustache, circa nineteen seventy-
four, can't keep her down
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BaftaBaby 
"Always entranced by cinema."

Posted - 04/08/2010 :  13:42:44  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Apologies to late entrants, but I downed a glass of Burgandy and voted.

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Sludge 
"Charlie Don't Serf!"

United States

Posted - 04/08/2010 :  17:41:33  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
My demographic has weighed in.
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MguyX 
"X marks the spot"

United States

Posted - 04/08/2010 :  17:56:06  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
Well, in the interest of FREEDOM and extolling the virtues of the voting franchise, I hereby dictate this week's winner early (which puts us back on track).

With one voter missing -- whose votes would not even matter -- we go now to our on-scene reporter Crater McLaughlin:

[CUE Camera 3, On-Scene]
Crater McLaughlin for Channel 4 News. The candidates for this week's Haiku contest were indeed hopeful, but one came out on top, without question.

[ROLL TAPE of Earlier Scene]
[McLaughlin voice-over]
Early exit polls were indecisive. Many voters predicted the THIRD PLACE FINISHER might be a tie between MguyX (21) and box office starlet BaftaBabe (111), scoring 3 each.

In the end, however, it was a landslide victory for the winner. But just who is the winner? We take you live now to Victoria Champlaine for the victory party.

[CUE Camera 2]
Victoria Champlaine here for Channel 4 news. As you can see, the excitement has spilled over into the streets. Car horns are blaring, vuvuzelas are honking, one woman has even painted the winnig haiku on her baby's forehead. While the victory is no surprise, the road to victory was short.

[ROLL TAPE of Earlier Scene]
[Champlaine in voice-over]
Second place finisher Sludge (221) with 5 votes had this to say:

[CUE Camera 1]
"He didn't even vote, but it was early, it was a runaway, um ... there's no penalty for not voting when the vote is called early ... he's a great guy ... and I just hope the international community will come together behind this great man."

In a landslide victory with 12 (3333), even without voting (because it would not have made a difference)

clay


Now to Tory VanGetinthecar for the weather. San Diego, go fuck yourself.
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MguyX 
"X marks the spot"

United States

Posted - 04/08/2010 :  17:59:14  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MguyX

Now to Tory VanGetinthecar for the weather. San Diego, go fuck yourself.

Great Thunderbolts of Zeus! Did I say that?! BUT IT WAS ON THE TELEPROMPTER! Oh Mother MacCreedy's Pancakes!
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clay 
"Viewer discretion is revised."

Phoenix, AZ, USA

Posted - 04/08/2010 :  18:17:54  Show Profile  Reply with Quote
I'd like to thank MguyX for his inspired zanery, his deuced cleverness, and the nurturing that sent his brother to the top of the Men's Cologne Supermodel food chain; thank BaftaBabe for a certain smile in a certain empty room; thank Sludge for recognizing in the early reviewing me something of himself; and, most of all, I'd like to thank Alliteration, for giving me the tool that lets my Haiku write itself.

[holds up Victory Finger]

And, seconding MguyX's affirmation: GO FUCK YOURSELF, SAN DIEGO!

[cheers and applause]
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