I know this is the moment you have all been waiting for. All of the votes have now been counted and recounted, and we can now reveal to you all the winners of our wonderful Haiku competition #53! [even more prolonged applause]
I have here the envelope with the results [sudden hush]
I will now open the envelope. [total silence. Someone drops a pin which reverberates around the auditorium. The culprit is forceably ejected and silence is once again restored. The envelope is opened and the card is removed.]
Ladies and Gentlemen, I can now reveal the results.
We are now back from our commercial break and into the final part of our show this evening.
There were seven entries for our Haiku competition, but who actually won?
[BIG drum roll]
With a score of 13 points, 3,3,3,2,1,1 I can now reveal...
That the winner of Haiku competition 53 is...
The one...
The only...
[tension is so unbearable members of the audience are beginning to faint]
WHIPPERSNAPPER!
[Pandemonium breaks out. Calls of "fix", "cheat", "we was robbed!", "string him up". Fights break out in the audience and we hear police sirens in the distance. Fade to black.]
You are now free to post your alternative haikus whilst we all await the outcome of the Fraud Squad investigation.