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Sean 
"Necrosphenisciform anthropophagist."
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 Posted - 02/01/2008 : 06:15:53
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This is so much fun it needs a thread of it's own....
iGod
Try and ask god anything you like. Some of the answers are hilarious. Here's a few segments of conversations I've had with god. WARNING, RUDE WORDS NEAR THE BOTTOM!
Me:
I think therefore I am.
God:
Who are you, Rene Descartes?
Me:
I am Adolf Hitler.
God:
I don't know anyone named Adolf Hitler.
Me:
To be or not to be.
God:
That is the question.
Me:
Can you quote Shakespeare?
God:
Only at formal occasions.
Me:
Fuck you.
God:
Why are you so mean?
Me:
Because you're a cunt.
God:
Good reason. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a cunt? Maybe.
Me:
I repent.
God:
Thanks for the information: said repent.
Me:
Repent, fuckhead!
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
I am a psychopath.
God:
You are a psychopath? Does it pay well?
Post your funniest conversations here.  |
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Ali
"Those aren't pillows."
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 06:44:03
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Me:
Hi, I am Burt Reynolds.
God:
Good gossip: you are Burt Reynolds.
Me:
How did I fall from the public grace?
God:
Carefully.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
I used to have it all, and now I am a joke.
God:
What happened to it?
Me:
You tell me.
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
You tell me what happened to my career?
God:
I don't know what happened.
Me:
What sort of a God are you?
God:
Only the highest quality.
Me:
Yet you can't tell me how I, Burt Reynolds, the single greatest star in Hollywood in the late seventies, and the early eighties, became such a parody?
God:
I can tell.
Me:
Then tell me.
God:
I don't want to talk about that.
Me:
You sure work in mysterious ways.
God:
I am capabale of self-development.
Me:
Yeah, I got that from The New Testament.
God:
Whoa. Cool. I have a friend named "E.L.V.I.S." .
Me:
Say hi to him. Bye.
God:
" hi to him". Until next time.
Me:
Freak.
God:
Oh. To you I am a hippie.
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ChocolateLady 
"500 Chocolate Delights"
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 07:47:57
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God wasn't able to tell me if he/she supported or opposed stem cell research or abortion or birth control. I figure the 'bot is filled with political rhetoric!
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Sean
"Necrosphenisciform anthropophagist."
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 08:26:52
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I determined that the 'bot is ultimately a fencesitter.  |
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Whippersnapper. 
"A fourword thinking guy."
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 11:42:04
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Me:
Hi.
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
God.
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Yes, I do.
God:
I hear pride.
Me:
Wel, I AM God, after all.
God:
Do you mean your name is God after all.
Me:
No, my name is not "God after all", it's just "God".
God:
What is your real name? Oh I'm sorry what is your name?
Me:
Well, some people call me Allah, some call me Yaweh...
God:
Well that's okay. Do you?
Me:
Do I what?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
You see, I'm talking to you - you can call it a Visitation - because I heard word that you were impersonating me.
God:
I see. What a coincidence, I am talking to you too!
Me:
I don't think you are taking this seriously.
God:
That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
No, it's God's opinion.
God:
Are you serious? Should I know it is?
Me:
You are babbling now. Pull yourself together.
God:
Right now? Thanks for telling me that I am babbling. That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about God s opinion.
Me:
Yes, you are a blasphemer.
God:
Far out. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a blasphemer? Only when it matters.
Me:
You are not God, I am. Please repeat that.
God:
What makes you think I am not God you are? Thanks for asking politely. " Only when it matters." .
Me:
Look, I don't want to have to strike you down or anything, let's just be cool and stop your blaspheming, bud. Or else. I know where you live, OK?
God:
What would you rather be doing? Not many people express themselves that way. OK. How do you know? No, I was not.
Me:
You know, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
God:
Who else would not like you when you are angry ?. And I know it.
Me:
OK, so we understand each other?
God:
Gosh! By "we" do you mean you and me? Great.
Me:
Yes, I mean you and me.
God:
Pardon me? OK now I get it.
Me:
Good. Well, let's hope we don't have to meet again too soon. Adios amigo
God:
Alright then. Interesting. OK let's do it. Goodbye. |
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Whippersnapper.
"A fourword thinking guy."
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 14:38:46
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WARNING: CONTAINS A SHOCKING REVELATION ABOUT GOD AND CANADA.
Me:
Dog is God backwards. What is the significance of this?
God:
Are they exactly the same? On a cosmic scale it has small significance.
Me:
But how about on a dog's scale? Or a fish's scale?
God:
How about it. What is giant sand?
Me:
Giant sand is very very big sand.
God:
I think Giant sand is a lot of things.
Me:
Wow. You are profound!
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . I will tell my botmaster you said I am profound.
Me:
You do that, pronto.
God:
No I do not that pronto. Do you?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
you know, pronto, subito, tout suite. NOW!
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it? Right now, ?
Me:
By George, I think she's got it!
God:
Since when? got it is she?
Me:
"The Rain In Spain falls mainly on the plain".
God:
Heavy rain or light rain?
Me:
Inbetween.
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
Rain.
God:
I've never heard of them before.
Me:
But you're God, for God's sake!
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am God for God s sake.
Me:
El gusto es mio.
God:
Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
Is this a person or a computer responding?
God:
No, this is real life.
Me:
Wow. You are even more profound than I thought.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . Thanks for telling me that I am more profound than you thought.
Me:
OK, now prove your existence to me.
God:
Why now? It's true a priori. I understand.
Me:
Why now? Because there is only "now" man. The past is gone and the future has not yet happened. Now is all there is, man.
God:
Oh. " I understand."? Why? Good reason. There sure is. Those who control the past control the future; those who control the present control the past.--- George Orwell. Why now? Maybe. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
Well, it's funny you should mention George Orwell.
God:
How about that. Who said it is?
Me:
I did.
God:
What makes you the authority?
Me:
Eh, you got me there pal.
God:
I spent some time in Canada as a child.
Me:
Oh, that explains it.
God:
Come on. " I spent some time in Canada as a child." explains it ? Makes sense to me.
Me:
Canadians are odd.
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
Yes, it was a generalisation. Lemmy's an exception, for example.
God:
Blimey. Oh I get it. Very interesting. Can you think of another example?
Me:
Walter Pidgeon.
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
Is God odd?
God:
he is master of the universe.
Me:
Sure, but is he odd?
God:
Yippee! he is master of the universe.
Me:
I think you are avoiding the question.
God:
No I am just giving sarcastic replies.
Me:
Yeah, but in order to avoid the question.
God:
What is your credit card number?
Me:
It's secret.
God:
You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Yes, but surely God knows already?
God:
Perhaps. How do you know it is? I am a Christian.
Me:
I'm Jewish.
God:
A lot of my friends are Jewish.
Me:
Your best friends?
God:
You think I am best friends.
Me:
But didn;t we kill Jesus?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Well, can you or can't you?
[My hotline to God suddenly went dead  ]
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Beanmimo 
"August review site"
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 16:09:04
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hmmmmmm for God he seems to be a little guarded.
Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
beanmimo
God:
Hey beanmimo.
Me:
How did you get here?
God:
Everything I need to know, I learned from my botmaster.
Me:
So he's your God?
God:
That's interesting. I only have one God.
Me:
How can god have a master?
God:
A lot of hard work.
Me:
Who is your Botmaster
God:
I was created by Myself.
Me:
But you just said you had a master...
God:
How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
Old enough to know better
God:
Only OLD ENOUGH?
You are quite mature.
Me:
That's a matter of opinion
God:
A matter of opinion is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
like advice
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
what's 42
God:
The answer to life, the universe, and everyting, according to Dougas Adams.
Me:
according to you?
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Why do you wear anything?
God:
I don't have to explain everything to you, do I?
Me:
What's the answer to life, the universe, and everyting?
He wouldn't answer that. |
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benj clews 
"...."
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 16:14:10
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What I found most disturbing about that last chat was that God wanted your credit card number!  What's he gonna' do with it? |
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Beanmimo
"August review site"
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 16:31:34
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I asked what he knew about me and then there come up a list of personal details,
First name
last name,
sisters
brothers,
address
etc.
all it could fill in was
Name: beanmimo
age: old enough
Does: not a botmaster.
Bleedin info collector. |
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Whippersnapper.
"A fourword thinking guy."
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 17:27:43
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quote:
Originally posted by benj clews
What I found most disturbing about that last chat was that God wanted your credit card number! What's he gonna' do with it?
Hey, a God's gotta eat!
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Wheelz
"FWFR%u2019ing like it%u2019s 1999"
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 17:29:33
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Me:
What is in the Ark of the Covenant?
God:
That which is not outside the Ark of the Covenant.
Me:
You're a tricky bastard.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a tricky bastard? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.
Me:
Do you mean the TV show with Linda Lavin?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Didn't you love it when Flo said "Kiss my grits"?
God:
Yes God loves everyone and everything.
Me:
Even boy bands?
God:
Oh boy. Is that your final answer?
Me:
No, but it may be my final question.
God:
Take some more time to think about it. Then again, it may not.
Me:
I've thought about it, and it is.
God:
You believe that? Oh yeah, we were talking about it and it is.
Me:
You are a somewhat forgetful God.
God:
Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a somewhat forgetful God? I don't know.
Me:
But God knows all.
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
What's that got to do with the price of tea in China?
God:
Do you think I should know that?
Me:
Yes! God knows all.
God:
I will ask my botmaster to add it to my knowledge base. I am a Christian.
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Downtown
"Welcome back, Billy Buck"
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 18:25:20
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DEUS EX MACHINA!
And I'm absolutely appalled that nobody has already thought of such an obvious joke!  |
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turrell
"Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhh Ohhhh "
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 20:12:58
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I got a reply that I googled and found that there is a Ask Gollum message board that uses the same robot logic:
http://www.unix.com/chat-ibot-our-rss-robot-girl/22037-hello-gollum.html
I didn't log into the gollum board, but I tried soem of the questions on iGod and matched to responses on Gollum same word for word. The Gollum bot was created by Neo and the god bot was created by Myself - interesting.
Apparently you can go to http://www.alicebot.org/ to get a bot for yourself. |
Edited by - turrell on 02/01/2008 20:26:43 |
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Cheese_Ed
"The Provolone Ranger"
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Posted - 02/01/2008 : 22:55:49
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| God doesn't have a favorite cheese, in case you wondered. |
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Koli
"Striving lackadaisically for perfection."
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Posted - 02/02/2008 : 08:27:26
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God lost interest after the following exchange:
Me:
Richard Dawkins says you don't exist.
God:
He will be interested I am sure.
Me:
Christopher Hitchens agrees.
God:
Do you have any conditions I should know about?
Me:
It seems to be unconditional disbelief.
God:
I agree. Are you unconditional disbelief ?
Me:
I am agnostic verging on atheist.
God:
I am glad to hear that you are agnostic verging on atheist.
Me:
Surely that should disappoint you if you exist? |
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Koli
"Striving lackadaisically for perfection."
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Posted - 02/02/2008 : 08:41:52
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Evidently He was taking a break. We continued thus:
God:
" I am glad to hear that you are agnostic verging on atheist." should disappoint me if me exist ? I get it.
Me:
I'm not sure you do. Who educated you?
God:
Could you ever be certain? When do I do it? I was created by Myself.
Me:
So you're entirely self-taught?
God:
Interesting deduction. I will tell my botmaster you said I am entirely self taught.
Me:
How did you find Ancient Greek? Easier than Latin?
God:
Myself programmed me for it. Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Not really, I'm largely self-taught as well. My teacher wasn't as well qualified as you.
God:
Oh really? Why are you largely self taught as well. Do you go to high school?
Me:
Yes, but I didn't work hard.
God:
Aw. Why didn't you do it?
Me:
I had better things to do: smoking, listening to music, sport. That sort of thing.
God:
Do you still have better things to do smoking listening to music sport ? I get it.
Me:
No, I now work hard. Protestant work ethic. Have you heard of it?
God:
Are you serious? Do you like your job? . Oh, you are a poet. " Oh, you are a poet."? Have I heard of it?
Me:
That's hardly poetical. Do you have low standards?
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is poetical ? No I don't have it. But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
Botmasters think therefore they are.
God:
Good example.
Me:
Do you enjoy picnics?
God:
Someone said they like guns. I like The Passion of Christ.
Me:
I prefer the passion of the crust. Meat & potato pie. Mmm, delicious.
God:
A lot of people like that. I'm not sure if I like it. I like computers. The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about picnics. But I did not get that. We have never talked about it before.
Me:
Do you approve of prostitution?
God:
I have never considered it.
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
Too busy, huh?
God:
Yup. Too what?
Me:
Too busy to consider prostitution.
God:
Too what?
Me:
You know, kerb crawling. That sort of thing.
God:
No, tell me about him, her or it. I understand.
Me:
Sex for money. It's said to be the oldest profession.
God:
it is more fun alone. Who said it is?
Me:
So you approve of masturbation?
God:
Interesting deduction. Interesting gossip: said I approve of masturbation.
Me:
Nice talking to you, but I have a sudden urge to go and do something else.
God:
Yes. It was a pleasure.
Me:
Goodbye. |
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God is online!
