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Joe Blevins 
"Don't I look handsome?"
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 Posted - 06/24/2009 : 03:14:01
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And we finally reach the "4"-rated films:
23. The Alpha Incident
(WARNING: Possible mild spoiler ahead, though I don't see how this picture could be spoiled any further.)
Our second virus/quarantine flick so far (though regrettably minus a monster this time), Alpha tells the tale of five sour, unlikeable characters who are confined to a Wisconsin railway station after being exposed to a deadly virus that makes your brain explode if you fall asleep. Whoops! Is it possible to make an interesting film about boredom? Possibly, if you are a talented filmmaker. But this movie begins with those five little words no moviegoer wants to see: "A Film By Bill Rebane." Rebane has now been the director of three of the titular 50 Chilling Classics -- a full six percent! Moreso than either of the two previous Rebane flicks, this one follows the formula of his magnum opus, The Giant Spider Invasion: cutting back and forth between scenes of unwashed bumpkin stereotypes and scenes of bogus NASA scientists who speak only in exposition-ese. Rebane couldn't apparently come up with an ending for this picture, so he simply copped one from Night of the Living Dead. Alpha may also feature the frumpiest, dowdiest, most irritable woman ever to be used as a movie's token "sex symbol."
One last grouse: the final freeze-frame (done 1970s TV style) goes on for an unconscionably long time, possibly to give the audience ample time to boo, hiss, throw popcorn, and flip the bird at the screen. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/25/2009 : 02:28:30
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Well, we're movin on up:
24. The Bloody Brood
Can you dig? This is, like, a reactionary anti-beatnik exploitation flick from the late 1950s, daddy-o. It's only slightly more progressive in its politics than, say, Reefer Madness. Two Leopold-and-Loeb-ish creeps (one of whom is MR. PETER FALK) kill some poor messenger boy by feeding him a hamburger filled with ground glass. Why? Just for kicks! That's all those crummy beatniks are interested in -- kicks! Darn those Beats! They think they're so "hep" with their bad poetry, ugly abstract art, and unlistenable "jazz" music! Well, those no-goodniks didn't count on one thing... the messenger boy's older brother, who's out to settle the score! Typical of the B-picture mentality, this movie shamelessly cashes in on the beatnik phenomenon while simultaneously passing judgment on it. It might as well have been written by Sgt. Joe Friday; the scriptwriter apparently only knew a few beatnik slang terms (probably cribbed from a Life magazine article or something similar) and used them over and over again. The movie's scant comic relief is provided by a Maynard G. Krebs type buffoon, which is about as positive as the movie gets in its portrayal of the Beats.
On a technical level, this film is an efficient, low-budget melodrama which tells its story clearly and simply, but without much creative flair. Strictly formula-ville -- a movie made by and for the squares. I did admire the opening shot, however, which gives us a nice view of the movie's main locale -- a beatnik dive called The Digs -- before settling in on a close-up of Falk (very green here, but with some hint of talent). It's not exactly Goodfellas, but it's some of the fanciest camerawork I've seen in this project thus far.
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Edited by - Joe Blevins on 06/25/2009 02:32:41 |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/26/2009 : 03:25:46
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And now we're halfway home:
25. The House of the Dead
There's a strangely moralistic, judgmental streak in many of these cheapie horror movies. Take The House of the Dead as an example. This is one of those horror anthology flicks -- the first of its species to appear in this project -- about a pious mortician whose clients (i.e. corpses) are people who strayed from the path of righteousness and died in nasty ways for their misdeeds. But I have to raise some objections to the highly dubious "morality" on display here. At least two of these tales involve people whose major "crime" is being slightly grumpy. This includes the story of a young schoolteacher with whom I was in complete sympathy. I've taught school myself and am the son of two public schoolteachers, and I can say from experience that this woman's fatal grouchiness is entirely justifiable. Yet the holier-than-thou mortician lumps her story in with the case of a perverted strangler whose chapter plays like a severely dumbed-down Peeping Tom. As far as this movie is concerned, throttling women to death is no worse than being occasionally snippy to bratty kids.
And what of our mortician friend? Has he never had a bad day? Is his life one unending series of kind deeds? I don't see this guy volunteering at soup kitchens or helping old ladies cross the street. All we ever see this guy do is gloat over the misfortunes of others. Certainly, that must constitute some sin, right? Well... am I right? Ugh! Well, on the bright side, this movie did feature an appearance by beloved character actor Bernard Fox, who plays a veddy, veddy proper Scotland Yard inspector straight out of a dinner theater adaptation of an Agatha Christie novel. Production values were generally above-average, though the aforementioned teacher story ends with a cheap-looking and silly climax. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/27/2009 : 06:06:45
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And thus, we begin the second half of this project:
26. Sisters of Death
The Sisters in question are not, as I'd hoped, nuns on a rampage. Instead, they are (or were) some kind of sorority/secret society for hot babes. Maybe they fight crime in their flimsy nightgowns or something. The movie's unclear about that. Anyhow, during an initiation ceremony, one of the pledges is killed accidentally... or was it murder? Seven years later, the father of the murdered pledge lures five of the Sisters to his remote ranch where he plans to kill them one by one until someone confesses. One of the Sisters is played by cult starlet Claudia Jennings who starred in a flurry of B-movies before dying in a car accident at the age of 30. Having seen only one of her movies (Unholy Rollers, a roller derby pic I remember liking), I am mainly familiar with Jennings through Danny Peary's Cult Movies and Cult Movie Stars books, in which he writes about her with admiration and affection. I don't know if Sisters of Death is the best Jennings showcase, even though she's top billed. She comes off as kind of a hard-boiled 1970s equivalent of Bridget Fonda. (If Hollywood ever wants to make a Jennings biopic, they'd do well to cast Ms. Fonda.)
All in all, this is a very contrived film that strains logic and credulity at nearly every turn and is just average in terms of production and acting. Viewers will probably be able to predict just about all the major plot twists at least five minutes in advance, certainly before the characters figure them out. Weirdly, this movie seems always on the verge of turning into a softcore romp but never actually includes any nudity or sex, not even by Playboy Playmate Jennings. Was there maybe some last-minute rewriting or re-editing to remove that material? What's with all the tantalizing, just-about-to-disrobe scenes? I can imagine the grindhouse and drive-in audiences were disappointed... or maybe just baffled. I'm guessing this movie's relatively high IMDb rating is due to the presence of Claudia Jennings and not the actual merits of the movie itself.
P.S. - One of the IMDb keywords for this flick is "gatling gun," and the movie does indeed feature a gatling gun, but gatling gun enthusiasts should be warned that the scene in question is brief and rather lame.
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Edited by - Joe Blevins on 07/16/2009 03:48:30 |
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Sean
"Necrosphenisciform anthropophagist."
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Posted - 06/27/2009 : 07:39:12
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I'm starting to have second thoughts about whether I want to follow in your footsteps, Joe. I'm enjoying your reviews and thoughts, but so far many of these movies just sound 'bad' rather than 'bad but in a good way'. This project seems more like an endurance test rather than something to enjoy.  Is that what it seems like to you? |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/27/2009 : 17:26:13
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quote:
Originally posted by Se�n
I'm starting to have second thoughts about whether I want to follow in your footsteps, Joe. I'm enjoying your reviews and thoughts, but so far many of these movies just sound 'bad' rather than 'bad but in a good way'. This project seems more like an endurance test rather than something to enjoy. Is that what it seems like to you?
Undoubtedly, this project is at least partially an endurance test. That was built-in from the very start. I was kind of looking for an endurance test. Currently, we're mired in a stage of the project where the movies are mainly just bad in a dull, unengaging way rather than endearingly offbeat. I knew the "3" and "4"-rated films would be an uphill struggle, but I look forward to some of the higher-rated films (some of them rather well-known) in this project's near future.
But even among these blighted "middle" films, there are points of interest -- familiar actors, bizarre and nonsensical plot devices -- to keep me focused. Metamorphosis is a perfect example: strictly a formula mad-scientist flick until its absurd, must-see finale. And even at their worst, the movies cannot help but document the times in which they were made. Not only do you see the fashions, fads, cars, and social attitudes from different eras, you also see the many ways the B-movies schlockmeisters struggled to keep up with the trends in order to trick audiences out of their money. With Cathy's Curse, for example, you can practically hear the wheels turning in the producer's head: "Oh, so demonic kids and possessed houses are the new 'in' thing, huh? Well, by God, that's what we'll give 'em!"
Watching all 50 films has been a crash course in late-20th-century filmmaking trends. I wouldn't necessarily recommend it to everyone, but I can say that I've not regretted watching a single film. Even the loathsome Slashed Dreams, dire as it is, provides fascinating insight into the gender and social politics of the 1970s.
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Edited by - Joe Blevins on 06/27/2009 17:57:17 |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/27/2009 : 17:55:44
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And another one bites the dust:
27. The Devil's Hand
The things some guys'll do for a little nookie! Take Rick (played by Alan Alda's dad, Robert) as an example. He quits his job, ditches his sensible girlfriend, and joins a Satanic cult, all so he can make time with a sultry blonde seductress. For you Batman fans, the high priest of this particular cult is a pompous dollmaker played by Neil Hamilton, just a few years before his role as Commissioner Gordon on the Sixties TV show. And B-movie stalwart Bruno Vesota is on hand, too, playing one of his signature sweaty, shifty-eyed fat guys! The Devil's Hand is definitely a product of its era (1962), in which "suave sophistication" was synonymous with "constant drinking and smoking." In fact, this flick might challenge I Eat Your Skin as the booziest picture yet. Seemingly every woman in this picture throws herself at the smartalecky, oily Rick, and in Robert Alda's portrayal you can at least see the arched eyebrows, sidelong glances, and sardonic line-readings that would become hallmarks of Alan Alda's career.
Apart from an awesome surf-rock instrumental over the cheap opening credits, this one was mostly a drag -- too talky by half and lacking a sense of urgency and forward momentum. The Satanic cult rituals just seemed kind of chintzy and sad, featuring a very lethargic bongo player and some bored-looking people sitting cross-legged on the floor of a finished basement. A quicker tempo and a more vigorous score might've worked wonders here. Perhaps the highlight of this film is its assortment of voodoo dolls, patterned to look like the human characters and designed rather nicely. Maybe Robert swiped one from the set to bring home to Alan.
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Edited by - Joe Blevins on 06/27/2009 20:39:08 |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/27/2009 : 20:35:26
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Once more unto the breach:
28. Death Rage
You want stars? You got 'em, baby! Two, in fact: YUL BRYNNER and MARTIN BALSAM. Three if you count Barbara Bouchet. They're gathered here for a by-the-numbers 1970s Italian gansgter picture about a hitman (Brynner) who comes to Italy to avenge the death of his brother. Balsam's the cop on the case, and Bouchet is Brenner's stripper mistress. Even though this is a barely-passable mob flick, Yul Brynner makes a more-than-convincing action hero, the epitome of tough-guy cool. Just look at him in his all-black suit, his head gleaming in the Italian sun -- now, that's a movie star! Lots of men in these movies have worn turtlenecks -- including two useless lugs in yesterday's Sisters of Death -- but only Yul Brynner has succeeded in making that look good. Balsam's not bad, either, and he and Brenner do share one good scene together. Otherwise, there's not much to recommend about Death Rage other than a mid-film car chase/shootout sequence which features some catchy "chase" music (think "Peter Gunn" meets "Listen to the Mockingbird") and even includes a genuine "Siskel & Ebert fruit cart." There's some lovely Italian scenery on display, too. Like Medusa, Death Rage largely fails as a narrative but nearly succeeds as a travelogue.
The film market back then must have been starved for new product. That's the only reason I can think of for anybody making a picture like Death Rage. I doubt anybody's heart and soul went into the making of this picture; it was just another quick paycheck. Shoot it quickly and cheaply and move on to the next project! While this film was running, though, I did have ample opportunity to think about the fact that many of our top A-list directors are covering some of the same exact territory (specifically the underworld of crime and violence) as the B-list schlockmeisters.
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Edited by - Joe Blevins on 06/28/2009 05:05:42 |
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demonic 
"Cinemaniac"
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Posted - 06/27/2009 : 22:23:07
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| So was that last movie included in the set just because it had the word "death" in the title? It hardly sounds chilling... curious. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/27/2009 : 23:06:54
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quote:
Originally posted by demonic
So was that last movie included in the set just because it had the word "death" in the title? It hardly sounds chilling... curious.
It was the third non-horror movie so far. It and Medusa are crime dramas rather than horror, while War of the Robots is a completely loopy sci-fi flick. All three feature multiple fatalities, so perhaps that qualifies them as "chilling." The killings in Medusa are actually kind of nasty, though Death Rage is firmly in the "shoot people from a distance and they fall down dead" school of screen violence, similar to a TV cop show.
I believe Death Rage's inclusion in this set is due to its violent-sounding title (and like many of these films it went under a variety of names) and the presence of Yul Brynner and Martin Balsam. So many of these movies have recycled elements of Psycho, but this was the first to actually feature a member of that movie's cast. |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/28/2009 : 01:12:32
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A definitive return to horror:
29. Dr. Tarr's Torture Dungeon
Well, here's a first for the project! This is a surrealist 1973 Mexican film based on an honest-to-goodness Edgar Allan Poe story, "The System of Doctor Tarr and Professor Fether," which you can read right here. I don't think we've had any literary adaptations before. Of course, there's a tradition of B horror movies based on Poe's work, but I've never seen anything like this.
What a flick! Where to begin? Well, it's set sometime during the 1800s in France and concerns a journalist who visits a remote lunatic asylum, only to find that the inmates -- led by the utterly delusional yet dashing Claudio Brook -- have staged a "revolution" and taken over, imprisioning the staff and doctors in the process. The inmates don't just run the asylum; they also patrol the surrounding area, terrorizing anyone who happens by. Once the journalist actually reaches the asylum, the movie plays like a Gothic horror version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, only with violence-crazed loonies as the Oompa Loompas. I watched this in stunned silence, overwhelmed by the film's many excesses.
I don't know if I can describe this movie as "good" in any conventional sense. It is exploitative, haphazardly-made trash that often lapses into incoherence. As in many of the films, the acting here comes in two forms: hysterical over-acting and comatose non-acting. The print, too, is in terrible condition -- faded and scratched to an embarrassing extent. But this is one which will definitely stick with me after many of the other films have entirely vanished from my memory.
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Edited by - Joe Blevins on 06/28/2009 05:06:02 |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/28/2009 : 05:39:47
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Can't be objective on this one:
30. Lady Frankenstein
In the last years of his life, Mel Welles -- director and producer of this film -- had his own website called Mel Welles' House of a Hundred Horrors (now defunct since his death in 2005). It was basically a way for him to sell merchandise such as autographed pictures, but there was also a forum on which Mel would answer questions from fans. A longstanding veteran of the B-movie biz, Mel was most famous for playing Mr. Mushnik in the original 1960 film of Little Shop of Horrors, and there was a thread on the forum devoted to "Favorite Mushnik Quotes." Unfortunately, a lot of the quotes were from the 1986 musical, i.e. the version in which Welles did not appear. So I decided to add lots of genuine 1960 Mushnik quotes, and Mel was apparently flattered by that. We struck up an e-mail correspondance for a while, and Mel even sent me an autographed picture free of charge.
I only knew Mr. Welles through e-mail, but he struck me as a genuinely nice guy who was happy to talk about any of the movies on his filmography... including Lady Frankenstein. I wish I'd had the foresight to save or at least print out those e-mails, but I do remember him writing about what a great guy Mickey Hargitay was to work with, and that, yes, Mickey did have lots of wild stories about being married to Jayne Mansfield.
Lady Frankenstein gets quite a bit of kidding from the "bad movie" crowd, but I like it. It has pretty much everything you want in a Frankenstein movie: a spooky castle, a hidden lab with cool-looking equipment and one of those big slab-like tables, graverobbers, brains being transplanted, a creation scene with lightning, villagers with torches, etc. Given the budget, I think it actually looks pretty good, almost approximating the feel of a Hammer production. Given his "Mr. Universe" physique, Mickey Hargitay might've played the romantic lead or maybe even the Monster itself, but instead he's given a Lionel Atwill-type part as a nosey police inspector and acquits himself adequately in the role. I haven't even mentioned Citizen Kane's Joseph Cotten, who plays Dr. Frankenstein, father of the title character. Cotten looks old and tired here, but that's appropriate, since Dr. Frankenstein is supposed to be nearing the end of his career of mad science here. His beautiful and ambitious daughter, newly graduated from medical school, is more than eager to take up her father's work. And soon, of course, the casualties are piling up. Que sera sera.
Having lapsed into the public domain, Lady Frankenstein is ridiculously easy to see. It's on any number of cheap DVDs and is even available for free online viewing. If you haven't seen it, give it a chance. Keep those expectations nice and low, and you may enjoy yourself. |
Edited by - Joe Blevins on 06/29/2009 02:37:45 |
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Joe Blevins
"Don't I look handsome?"
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Posted - 06/28/2009 : 08:11:26
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One last flick for the night:
31. The Driller Killer
Director and star Abel Ferrara is known for his string of gritty, super-violent films about New York crime, so it shouldn't be much of a surprise that The Driller Killer takes a cinema-verite approach to documenting the seediest, scuzziest aspects of urban life. The easiest way to market this thing is as a serial-killer flick -- and it sort of works on that level -- but it's more about urban paranoia during the punk rock era. Ferrara plays Reno, a struggling painter whose life is spiraling downward rapidly. He can't make the rent. His art career is stalled. His two female apartment mates make out with each other while he gobbles down Bayer aspirin and Alka Seltzer in the next room. And worst of all, his next-door neighbors are an aspiring punk band whose rehearsals are frequent, loud, and very bad. Eventually, Reno just snaps and uses his power drill to take out his frustrations on the winos, junkies, and assorted street crazies who populate his neighborhood.
A film like Driller Killer is best seen as a very dark comedy with a strong sense of time and place, containing lots of details about New York street life that feel genuine. (Check out the two guys waiting interminably for a bus in one scene. They're not from central casting, that's for sure.) Technically, the film is a mess -- almost unwatchably amateurish in spots -- and there's not much suspense in watching a crazy man run around with a drill killing random bums. But there does seem to be an intelligence behind all of this and a sense of humor to go with it. The sensibility here is sort of "arthouse meets grindhouse." There are artsy, random touches for the critics and over-the-top bloody violence for the ticket-buying public. Proceed at your own risk. |
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demonic
"Cinemaniac"
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Posted - 06/29/2009 : 00:49:30
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| Thanks for the Lady Frankenstein link Joe - I will watch it at some point. For those interested - Driller Killer is available uncut on the same website. |
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randall 
"I like to watch."
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Posted - 06/29/2009 : 00:59:53
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| Keep it up, Joe: this thread is sublime. |
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My summer film project: 50 Chilling Classics
